Saturday, January 9, 2016

When Life Doesn't Fit Your Plan

As women, we need a plan, right? It seems so disorderly and chaotic when we don't. I get it. But God is teaching me so much about my plan compared to His. 2001, My husband and I got married. We were married one year, got pregnant. Had our sweet baby boy. 3 years later, had our beautiful baby girl. Just like we had planned. Boy first, then girl... 3 years apart. Perfect. When our daughter was 3 we decided it would be nice to have add a third child to our family. We tried to get pregnant. For almost 2 years we tried. When it didn't happen, we gave up. Decided that it just wasn't meant to be. And that was ok. Our family of four was enough. Fast forward five years. A 12 year old, an 8 year old. They are both pretty self sufficient. Date nights have become a thing again since they can stay home by themselves for a couple hours. Life is good.... And busy. Non-stop with sports and theatre and ministry and work. We have always loved it that way. Then, January 14, 2015 our lives were changed forever when I woke up throwing up for two mornings in a row.  Surely I wasn't.... That would be absurd after 5 years. God wouldn't do this. It wasn't our plan. And we had decided it wasn't His either since we didn't get pregnant for the third time when we were trying. After 3 pregnancy tests and bloodwork, it was inevitable. What?!? "We're too old" "we're too busy" "I don't have ANY baby stuff left" "my house is too small" "we can't afford another child" "what will my older kids think?" All of these things and so much more flooded my mind instantly. It was so easy to become quickly overwhelmed. But, as quickly as it overwhelmed me, God gave me peace. He spoke to my heart the things I've spoken to others through overwhelming circumstances many times over the years. "I have a plan.... A good plan. A plan to prosper and not harm. I knew you before I formed you. All good gifts come from me..It is well." So much peace filled my soul! Having children 12 & 8 years apart for sure was not in my plan. But I thank God that His plan is so much sweeter than mine. I can't begin to imagine our lives without our sweet Auburn now. She was the missing piece to our family that we didn't know was missing. She has brought us so much joy, so much laughter. She brought us a refreshing that we were unaware we needed. She is an amazing gift! God continues to work on me. To make me more flexible. To make me more open to a change in plans... To make me less focused on the actual plan and more focused on the journey and the outcome. It's not comfortable all the time, actually most of the time it's uncomfortable. But in those moments, all I have to do is look into the face of my precious girl and it reminds me that miraculous things can happen outside of my plans. Jeremiah 29:11, Jeremiah 1;5, James 1:17, Psalm 62:5

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